(So, you want a time-waster quiz, eh?)
A) Which do you prefer, a game of tennis or a bowl of oatmeal?
B) What size cuff links do you wear? Why?
C) Name three types of vegetation found inside a paper clip. Why?
D) If a UPS truck bearing a 7-pound package leaves New York heading west on the same morning that an RPS truck carrying a 6-pound package leaves Los Angeles heading east, and both drivers travel 65 MPH with stops every 3 hours to buy postcards, which package will be lost in transit? (I don’t care why.)
E) Which of these descriptions better suits your self-image?
1) I think of myself as a giant cashew nut in a fedora and a paisley cravat.
2) I think of myself as a giant cashew nut in a bowler and a paisley cravat.
F) In a stressful situation, which of the following are you more likely to do?
1) Boil eggplants.
2) Follow Italian sporting events in a Swedish newspaper.
G) Which of the following are you more likely to do?
1) Sing TV themes in an unnaturally low voice when a coworker is having trouble with his/her stapler.
2) Move to Minneapolis if a coworker gets a haircut.
H) If you moved to Minneapolis, which of the following would you be more likely to do?
1) Shop for bread and milk at two different supermarkets.
2) Sorry, I already live in Minneapolis.
I) Did you see Sue last night? How come she didn’t go to the concert? Is she going to the City next weekend? Tell her to call me if she needs a ride. Are you going to eat the rest of that pickle?
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Copyright © Jonathan Caws-Elwitt. This page revised February 13, 2009.