It has come to my attention that the planet Jupiter now has something like 14 moons! Well, I’m sure it’s a vibrant, bustling place with lots of cappuccino bars ... but I’m wondering if things might be a little more balanced if a few of these moons were to consider relocating to some of the less overexposed planets, who could really benefit from a moon or two. I would think that a new location with more breathing space might especially appeal to some of Jupiter’s younger moons, as I imagine being part of an organization that large can be a little bit constricting at times.

I hear it’s so busy around Jupiter these days that they’ve had to assign a “senior moon” to help keep things running smoothly:

Q: Hello, may I speak to Jupiter, please?
A: I’m sorry, Jupiter’s out of the orbit at the moment. This is Ganymede. May I help you?

The Greater Pluto Civic Association wishes to announce that we currently have several openings for small-to-medium-size moons with self-guided orbits. Our picturesque planet has the quaint rustic charm of a quiet corner of the solar system, with all the conveniences of being close to the major comet trajectories. Large eat-in kitchen with ample cabinet space; 2 1/2 baths; hardwood floors.

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Copyright © Jonathan Caws-Elwitt. This page revised February 14, 2009.